I still look good in yoga pants, wear my hair long, put on makeup most every day, dress in clothes purchased in this decade and often get mistaken for being 10 to 15 years younger than I am AND I wake up two to three times a night drenched in my own fetid sweat. You can’t fool mother nature.
At first, I tried to convince myself it was my bed-buddy, a newly adopted seven-pound chihuahua, tucked into the crook of my legs causing me to heat up like a super-hot pizza oven when in all likelihood, he’s in the crook of my legs because I remind him of the mother land. Mexican summers are very short and very hot.
My dog loves it and you’ll love it too. Fellow Bainbridge Islanders, here’s a “hot flash news flash”: Summer anticipated to arrive early this year; Lynwood Center now one of the hottest places on earth. Yep, yepitty, yep – right up there with Libya, Death Valley, Tunisia and Timbuktu. Global warming? You decide.
Other than possibly being the numero uno reason for the early opening of the Pleasant Beach Pool this year (free season pass please), I don’t have anything to offer fellow or future sufferers and their families. No helpful hints, herbal remedies or doctor referrals. I have however, come up with a downloadable menopause playlist for your listening enjoyment:
It’s My Body and I’ll Cry if I Want To
Hot Child in the City (she’s kind of dangerous)
Disco Inferno (extended remix)
Gimme, Gimme Some Lovin’ (just kidding)
Let’s Get it On (again, just kidding)
I Want to Paint You Black (and blue, you little shit)
Highway to Hell / Stairway to Heaven (depends on the day)
Hit Me with Your Best Shot (of estrogen)
And who doesn’t love…
Hot in Herre (I wanna take my clothes off)
As I ponder this stage of life I can’t help but wonder why our miraculous bodies, replete with opposable thumbs, eyes that distinguish up to a million different colors, livers that regrow, stomachs that get a brand new lining every four days and lungs with the surface area of a tennis court, go through menopause so inelegantly – clunking, bumping and sputtering along for years before once again finding balance. Just sayin’.
See you at the pool!
